Socks in the Spin Cycle

Tonight I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I really didn't want to go, especially by myself, so I tried to get Trey and the kids to go with me. I texted my sister and asked her to go, and then asked a few neighbors. There were no takers, but I knew I had to get moving.

Usually I love to walk solo, but this evening I had a lot on my mind and I just didn't want to deal with any of it. The worries ranged from soccer and ballet registration for my children to hungry children in Haiti and my ugly kitchen. You know I am out of balance when all of those seem of equal severity.

Anyway, I was looking for a distraction to keep from turning inward and grappling with anxieties, doubts, and fears. I did talk via phone to another sister during the first part of my walk, but there was no escaping some time for introspection.

My mind was whirling-I felt like ideas, worries, and to do list items were being tossed around like my children's socks in the spin cycle. They were whizzing by so fast that it became impossible to see where one sock stopped and the next began. In my washer, the tiniest socks are the biggest problems-sometimes they find their way out of the tub and into a pipe and then a perfectly good sock-and maybe a perfectly good washer are lost forever. (I realize this is a weird image, but I did have a long conversation this evening with a washer repairman, so I've just got laundry on the brain--work with me....) My thoughts are like that too--they whirl by so fast and if I can't clear my head to focus on them they disappear or morph into something unrecognizeable.

When my mind whirls, when I'm not sure which thought or worry to tackle, I pray. When I am anxious like this, I'm usually not sure what to pray, but I find that if I focus on a recitation-like the Lord's Prayer or the 23rd Psalm, everything in me resets. The frenzied activity stops, my breathing slows, and my anxiety lessens. It's like I go from being in the passenger seat of my mind to the driver's seat. It was like magic tonight. I left anxious and by the end of my walk and several Lord's Prayers, I was able to quiet my mind and listen to the crickets, watch the lightening bugs emerge and come to terms with the fact that though I may be in the driver's seat of my mind, I will never be in charge of everything else. Thank God for that.

Blessing #72, July 8, 2010

Tonight I remembered that even though I an over the top type A, OCD person I am just a person. I am thankful for my faith and I am blessed that it can quiet my mind and awaken me to the presence of the Divine. Then I can focus on Love-which I believe is the only thing that matters. I have so much Love in my life and everything else is just stuff.