Sun and Rain

I am watching a torrential downpour through the windows in my office. It is the kind of rain that appears to come down sideways, and it hits like daggers if you're out in it. The storm came pretty quickly. It has been a beautiful day, and we spent several hours at the pool. When the dark clouds rolled in, we packed up the wagon and walked home, making it just in time. The kids thought trying to beat the weather was very exciting!

There is something therapeutic about this type of rain. Maybe it's that there's no where to go so I stay curled up with my kids, or maybe it's how clean the air feels after it passes, or that I'm reminded of my complete lack of control over the weather--and pretty much the world.

I have a quote from an old desk calendar taped to my mirror that says, "The secret of balance is knowing both our somethingness and our nothingness." (there is no author credited) A hard rain-especially after a hot and sunny day, reminds me of my place in the world. While I'm prone to feel very ambitious and self-important, I am just passing through. I tend to find things to worry about, as if my worry has some impact on the outcome, but the truth is I do not have power to affect change over 95% of what I try to control. My major professor, Steve Oliver, wisened me to this during our years together. I would worry, "but what if I Dr. so and so doesn't like this chapter?" or "What if there aren't enough participants?" or "What if the proposal isn't accepted?" He would reply, "Well, Anna you never really know." At first, it infuriated me. Then, I became grateful. What a relief to not be expected to know the future. How freeing to just let it be and wait and find out!

Blessing #44, June 10, 2010

Today I feel like I have had the best of both worlds--time in the sun and time to watch the rain. I am thankful to be reminded that I cannot control the world-when I forget this, I get exhausted trying.