Fun on Springtide Farm

Today we headed to my parents' farm. My 4 sisters and their families were all there and we set about celebrating Fathers' Day with my Dad, my sister Jean's 40th birthday, Trey's 35th birthday, and my neice Molly's 18th birthday.

We started with a scarecrow building contest (we won Funniest Scarecrow, Jean took home Gold) and finished with a delicious meal featuring tamales made with Springtide Farms chicken and cobbler made with Springtide blackberries. Of course, it was all gluten free-have I mentioned that my entire family is gluten sensitive?

Anyway, it was a great day full of good food, laughter, and thanksgiving. It is so special that all the grandkids want to check on their row of corn, potato patch, tree, or chicken. They may be a little late on the mall thing, but they are learning great lessons about where food comes from and caring for the earth.

Blessing #61, June 27, 2010

Today I am thankful that my children are experiencing an organic farm. They plant, water, and tend a new crop everytime they visit my parents. They wake up early to help Mom and Dad feed the chickens and soon they will be watching Tink's 100% grass fed cows graze. (Hey Conyers and Athens folks, check out her website http://www.tinksbeef.com/ as there are retail locations near you) I am afraid that too many young people believe food comes from McDonald's or Kroger. Why would children value the Earth if they don't understand it all starts there?

PS: There is a chance I will be away from internet for the next several days. Trey and I are leaving the country. (If you are a crazy stalker or robber, know that we have an alarm, a housesitter, and a very large dog) However, I will make every effort to continue my blogs. Worst case scenario I will write them out and type and post when we get home!)

Vacation in the Pages of a Book

We were up early today to attend a birthday party, shop at Sam's, and get home in time to watch the World Cup. Those three events hardly amount to an entire day, but it is safe to say that I only accomplished one additional thing. I started and completed the 4th Sookie Stackhouse book.

These books are riddled with supernatural beings, mystery, and romance. Vampires and a telepath play the key roles, and I would say they are R-rated books compared to the Twilight Series that my students love so much. Vampires for grown ups, I guess you could say. I am usually reading books pertaining to biology or teaching or some combination thereof, but this series has been the most wonderful summer escape.

I felt I had no choice today but to keep reading. It has been while, maybe since I first discovered Jason Bourne in Ludlum's books back in high school, that I have been so thoroughly engrossed in a novel. When I finally finished the book today, I felt like I'd been on a crazy adventure. I am tired from all the battles and emotional upheavals in Sookie's life. And, I can't wait to read more!



Blessing #60, June 26, 2010

Today I am thankful that I can read and I am thankful for the imagination of Charlaine Harris. I became so engrossed in her literary world today, that I took a vacation from reality. It felt like a honest to goodness, leave the premises and my worries behind holiday. How awesome that I had a vacation and all it cost me was a borrowed paperback.

Imagination

I have been trying to focus on one blessing for my entry for about 15 minutes, but I am distracted by Katie's intricate imaginery conversation with plastic animal figures. She has been carrying on like this for at least 1/2 an hour, and she has forgotten that I am even here. At this point there is a Mommy horse who is busy mothering a lion, a gorilla, a zebra, a pig, and a cow. The lion and zebra have just begun to argue, and get this, the zebra is winning. Regardless of what she has seen or learned about how these animals relate to one another, she is imagining her own universe without concern for reality or correctness.

As a mother, I am amazed at the detail in her imaginery world. As a high school science teacher, I wonder what happens to children's ability (or maybe it is willingness) to think outside the box. Most high school science students have lost that capacity for tolerating errors. It reminds me of a great lecture by Ken Robinson. He describes our education system-and actually nearly all the education systems in the world-as educating the students right out of their creative capacity. He is one of the most charismatic, thought provoking speakers I have ever heard. Give it a look!



Blessing #59, June 25, 2010

Today I am thankful that Katie and Chip are still able to get lost in their imagination. I am so hopeful Trey and I will be able to nurture and protect their creativity, and that their teachers will as well.

Dance Party

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.
- Stella Adler

Last night, Chip, Katie, and myself had an all out dance party to Madonna's Immaculate Collection. We were grooving pretty wildly, and I was lip syncing into my hairbrush. It was so much fun, but I am thankful it wasn't caught on video. I am afraid it would have been quite the You Tube sensation, and not in a good way.

Sometimes, I find I have to sing or dance or both. Please understand, there is no technique and very little rhythm, but my emotions require these expressive outlets. I believe responding to life through song, movement, and creation is essential to all humanity. This became clear to me in Haiti. In the village of Terrier Rouge, I watched hungry, sick people drum, sing, and dance. Not a one had been to a dance school-a luxury many in this country enjoy-but their movements and voices were so authentic and beautiful. You couldn't see where their soul stopped and their movement began.

Blessing #58, June 24, 2010

Today, Chip attended his piano lesson. Katie wowed me with a dance routine she made up during dinner. Tonight the family enjoyed catching up with So you Think you can Dance on our DVR. I am already looking forward to seeing my students shine in our fall and spring drama productions. The arts are so important to our society, and I am tremendously grateful that my family is able to study and enjoy them.

What a Catch.....

June is the "month of Trey" at our house. We celebrate his birthday, Fathers' Day, and now our anniversary. Today we have been married 9 years. In that time we have had two children, birthed my 2 graduate degrees (like childbirth, these were exquistely painful, beautiful experiences, but they had no anesthesia option), bought 1 house, sold it, and bought another.

I just can't believe how the time has flown. In my working world, and even among friends, I am (I think anyway) considered to be a modern woman. I have fought hard to "sit at the big table", excel in my professional pursuits, and support my family. At home, though, I am a love-struck girl who gets weak-kneed in her husband's presence. What a catch he is. He assures me that regardless of my ambition to overachieve and prove my worth in a man's world, I can still be and feel like a woman who is madly in love with a man.

Blessing #57, June 23, 2010

I am thankful that my husband called me in March of 2000. It took guts-we hadn't seen each other in years. I am thankful that he wasn't afraid to tell me how he felt early on. I am blessed that he asked and so happy that I had the wisdom to say yes. He is the best decision I ever made.

Going Up....Growing Up

Sometimes my children make me laugh so authentically, it as if the laughter is bubbling up from my soul. Yesterday, the family took a trip to the mall. Trey had birthday money to spend at Belk, so we piled the kids in the very large family car and set out on the adventure. Shortly into the drive Katie pipes up with a shocking question. "Daddy, what's a mall?"

Yes, you read it right. My aversion to shopping is so strong that my daugther has no recollection of ever visiting the mall. Anyway, it gets better. Once we were in Belk, we split up. Katie and I headed to the Ladies' section on the 1st floor, and the boys headed to the Mens' section on the 2nd floor. When it was time for us to meet up, Katie and I made our way to the escalator. She stood at the base of it with an expression of total awe on her face. She squatted down to look at the floor where the next step was continuously emerging. Her little head would turn rythmically-she would watch a step till it got so far, then turn to watch another. Then, she placed her left foot on a stair and kept her right foot planted firmly on the ground, until her legs were spread into an impressive split. I picked her up before she crumbled and hurt herself, and we tried again. After several splits and frustrated moments, I finally convinced her to step on with me, and we rode up together. We may as well have been on a hot air balloon or flying saucer ride. By now, we had attracted an audience and earned lots of giggles.

Once we reached the top, I learned that Chip was just as amused. He was hiding in clothes racks, crawling on all 4s in the pants section, and playing hide and seek in the fitting rooms. Trey looked at me, and said, "We don't need to spend a dime to show these kids a good time. Let's just bring them to the mall."

We were only there an hour or so, but it was the most enjoyable shopping trip I've had. Watching the world through the perspective of my children, I find fun and humor in places I least expect it. Trey and I were both laughing from deep inside-the kind of authentic laughter that comes from contentment.

Blessing #56, June 21, 2010

Today I am thankful for the freshness and fun that comes with my children's discovery of the world. Routinely, mundane parts of my day are made new because of their imaginations, questions, and wonder.

People do this for a Living?

I can't imagine being a writer who got paid in advance. I think the pressure would kill me. What if I took money for a writing assignment and then had a series of days full of this kind of moment I am experiencing now? I am anxiously glancing bank and forth between a blank entry and the time. I have had a wonderful day, but I don't feel inspired to type an entry. Tonight I am thinking I was absolutely crazy to commit to writing everyday. Self-improvement? Self discovery? Weren't those my reasons? Blah, Blah, Blah! What about getting to bed early? Being lazy? Watching TV? Yes, I'm in a real mood tonight. But, commit I did, so I have to plunge ahead. I suppose I can follow the stream of consciousness and see where it takes me tonight. And I'll bet that tomorrow I will go back to believing this is a fabulous thing I'm doing.

I am reading a great book. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert was given to me by a student. It is fabulous-I am amazed at how the author is so comfortable writing about her flaws, insecurities, and dreams. The book is honest. When I'm reading it, I feel like I'm with a sister and we are being 100% real with one another. Oh, and she got paid before she wrote the book. That is brave. She gets a divorce, heads to foreign country because she wants to learn a new language, and takes money on the promise that she'll write about her experiences. She gets the WonderWoman award from me for her fearlessness.

I went to a Rotary meeting today. I am the Interact Advisor for my school, and today we presented the program at our sponsoring club. Two of my officers presented the year in review. I was so impressed with them, and amazed at how much we have done. No wonder I feel so busy in the school year. These two girls were with me in Haiti, and we talked for a long time today about how they can get back. It was a miracle that anyone wanted to go to Haiti with me, and here these girls are trying to go back.

Well, the stream just hit a dam.

Blessing #55, June 21, 2010

I am thankful for my resolve. I do not want to be writing, but I believe it is good for me. I knew if I promised to cyber space that I would do it everyday, that I really would. And here I am. Most days I love it...but today is not one of them. My resolve is seeing me through and I know that tomorrow I will be glad it did.

The Most Important Thing a Father can do for his Children...

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother." I must have heard my dad say that 100 times. I didn't really understand as I was growing up, but now that I have my children of my own I get it. A father who loves his children's mother teaches the children how to love. He shows a daughter what a loving marriage should be, and gives that daughter the confidence and discernment to choose a partner wisely.

Yes, that's the most important, but my Father did so much more.

Blessing #54, June 20, 2010

I am thankful for my Father. His love for my mother and all of his family provided me a safe, secure, and happy childhood. He made me believe that I can accoomplish anything, and he taught me that God is Love. He modeled a fierce committment to integrity, compassion, charity, and service. He worked hard to provide me all the luxuries I have written of in this blog; water, shelter, food, clothing, and education. He empowered me to make a good choice in my husband. My Dad has been, and continues to be, a tremendous blessing in my life.

There are a lot of Dads in my life

Hee Hee! Reading the title makes me think of an opening line on a Jerry Springer episode. Well, that's not what I mean! I have the father of my children, my father, my father in law, brothers in law, and an uncle who are all honored on Fathers' Day by us. Over the next several days I will honor each one in turn. So, here goes volume 1.

We just got home from Trey's parent's house. We had a great time celebrating Fathers Day with his Dad and Uncle! There was steak for dinner, time for swimming, and lots of laughs. In one sense it is hard for me to believe that I have celebrated 10 fathers' days with Trey's family, but in another it feels like we have always been family. Watching his family, it isn't surprising how great he turned out.

Blessing #53, June 19, 2010

I am thankful for my father-in-law. Trey learned how to be a wonderful husband and father watching him, and I and my children are reaping the benefits.

The Blessing of the Broken Blackberry

Well, my blackberry broke today. I will be phoneless until the insurance company ships me a new one. It didn't just die, but it perished in such a way that I may not be able to recover any data. I may have lost pictures, phone numbers, and my to do list!

During the school year this would result in a major panic attack. But now, I find that I am enjoying being out of touch. Being without the phone isn't a big deal, but potentially losing the data and being without internet in my pocket is giving me pause. I mean it is wild that I don't know people's phone numbers or emails anymore. I have almost forgotten how to check on the weather without pulling up that bookmark on my phone. It's not just me! People all over have stopped using real cameras, learning to read maps, or speaking to people because their phone does it all.

What strikes me is that the device seems to be designed to shrink the world and bring folks closer together. I believe it feeds some innate human need for community and connection. Yet, one day without mine, and I feel more connected to friends and community than ever. I had long converstations today with my neighbors, and I didn't need to divert my eyes to check a text, the time, an email, or a voice mail. I was really in the moment. I'm not saying I'm getting rid of it forever, but I am going to be more aware of its hold on me.

Blessing #52, June 18, 2010

Today I am thankful for a few days off from compulsively checking my phone. I have been reminded that what is most important is more likely what is happening in front of my face-than what is happening in cell phone cyberspace.

The Truth

I think that all humans struggle with denial about the harshness of the world. We think, "If I stay active and eat my vegetables, I won't get old, slow, or cancer." The truth is none of us makes it out of here alive. The trick is to embrace that and love life honestly.

Children are fabulous at helping with this. They see things adults try to cover up with makeup, pretense or vitamins. Let me offer an example. A few nights ago Katie and I were rocking in the living room. She was facing me and being very affectionate. It was wonderful, focused time together. She reached up and pointed to the wrinkles on my forehead and said, "Mommy, why do you have those lines on your face? Are you old yet?" Shortly after came another stinger. She told me one day she would have babies, and then I would be "an old Mommy." I think she meant grandmother, but she still spoke a great truth.

She wasn't sad as she alluded to this natural progression, just very matter of fact. I, on the other hand, felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. Her comment came right after I realized that an anti-aging cream commercial was targeting me-I mean I was the tired, working mommy with bags under my eyes and wrinkles appearing. When did this happen?

Katie's comments served as a reality check for me. Yoga, walking, Oil of Olay-none of it is going to keep me young forever. So, I can be sad, or I can see it like Katie does. I am here until I'm not. I will get older every day. There will be more lines on my face, more arthritis in my knees, and I can only hope I make it to being an "Old Mommy."

So, I am going to concentrate on accepting life for what it is, enjoying everyday, and not wasting time wishing I could slow down its progression.

Blessing #51, June 17, 2010

Today I am grateful for the clarity a child's perspective offers. I realize that Katie is relaxed about my aging because she doesn't put aging and death together. Still, if I can approach life and aging as she does, despite my fears, knowledge, and vanity, then I will have made a great stride toward making peace with my place and time in this world.

Speaking of a Village-#50

Sometimes I'm lucky enough to come across a book that forces me to think about things in a new way. I am even luckier when I get to share that book with my students.

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of creating and nurturing a community. In a community, you know each other, you help each other, and you understand that your actions affect those around you. In my entry I referred to my community as "my village," and it reminded me of a perspective changing book. The book, If the World Were A Village, describes the world as village of 100 people. There are shocking facts about the number of those people who live without clean water, no electricty, and no food. It describes the number of chickens, languages, and computers per 100 people. It is a fascinating read, and it really hammers home that I have a priviledged existence.

Blessing #50, June 16, 2010

I can't believe I have hit 50 already. 50 days in a row of counting blessings. I wasn't sure I could make it this far. It was scary to start to write, however informally, but 50 is a pretty great milestone. Today, I am thankful for making it this far. I am thankful that I am a villager with clean water, food, shelter, and electricity.

Thank God for my Village

Trey and I love living in Athens. We have wonderful jobs here, a wonderful church, and wonderful friends. Our parents are just an hour away, so they are pretty close. We usually get to be with our families during holidays and birthdays. At times, we wish they were closer so they could spend more time with the kids. But, our livelihoods are in Athens and so then are our homes. There isn't really any sense in wishing we could move closer to family--it just isn't possible, so we've concentrated on nurturing and participating in our community here.

Community is a wonderful thing. We have a supper club that we've been active in for 7 years. Several of us had boys within months of each other, and they remain great friends. Yesterday, when I got the call from Vacation Bible School that Katie was sick it came from one of my closest friends from that supper club, Kathie. I ran to pick Katie up, and Kathie offered to bring Chip home when VBS wrapped up. Last week, we carpooled with another supper club family to soccer camp. I picked up their children, and they took mine. Next week, I am attending Rotary to make a presentation with several of my students, and my kids will get a play date with a family in the neighborhood while I'm gone.

The kids and I were at the pool again today (I know, do I have the life in the summer time or what?). I don't even need to schedule playdates, because there are so many families with young children in our neighborhood, playdates are built in to a pool visit. I get to laugh with and visit with the other Moms and Dads, and my children get to enjoy their children.

But community isn't just about visiting and sharing laughs. When I've had babies, or lost loved ones, my neighbors and community have blown me away with their generosity. They have brought meals, sent cards, and just listened while I cried or vented. I have heard it takes a village to raise a family. I believe it, and I am so thankful for my village!

Blessing #49, June 15, 2010

I am grateful for my community. We are blessed with a church family, friends, and neighbors who enrich our lives and our childrens' lives everyday. It does take a village, and these friends, all of us together, have built one.

Feels like 105

My husband called this morning to say the AC wasn't working at his office. He was sweating and miserable. Just after I got the call, I read that the Athens Area was issued a heat advisory that will likely last the rest of the week. Actual temperature and humidity are making it feel like 105.

Meanwhile, Katie vomited at Vacation Bible School. Turns out it was not a big deal-she just got choked on her snack, but I watched her closely this afternoon anyway. In case she was infected with a virus, I canceled our dentist appointments and we just chilled on the couch. It was a wonderful, cool, and comfortable day. We made it through May without using the AC, so when we finally had cool air in the house, it felt like a miracle.

Blessing #48, June 14, 2010

Today I am thankful for my air conditioned house. I wish that all who wanted it could have the opportunity to feel cool, comfortable, and relaxed in a climate controlled home.

Nothing But a Bottle of Ketchup

I am not a huge fan of grocery shopping, but I like an empty cupboard even less. I've been known to say, "There is nothing in my kitchen but a bottle of ketchup," when things get really bare. The expression is based in reality--one stressful time, with kids arguing and hungry, I remember opening the fridge and seeing only a bottle of Heinz. Anyway, hungry children, a hungry husband, and a hungry dog just make any situation more stressful. (Did I mention the classroom pet, a mouse named Jill, has moved in with me? I'm sure she'll be hungry before long...)

This weekend, our family outing was to Sams Club, and our fridge and pantry are overflowing. We've had great meals and wonderful times. Everyone loves being at home and together when there is plenty of good food to eat.


Blessing #47, June 13, 2010

Today I am thankful for a full pantry. I know that people in Athens and all over the world are hungry, and I know there are parents who want badly to give their children enough to eat. It is a blessing that my husband and I can fill our pantry and provide our children with plenty of food and memories of good times around the table.

If you tell me when...

I never believed in falling in love fast; certainly not in one evening. But during our first date, I was confident that I would marry my husband. I hadn't told him this yet, of course, but I knew it just the same. I wasn't sure how he was feeling, so I figured I'd better not get too forthcoming. He shocked me with his comments about our next date.

As we were saying goodnight on the front porch of my parents' house, he said, "I would like to see you again." I was thinking "Sweet!" but I said something vague like, "Oh, well, when you're home from school, call me and we'll hang out." His reply was epic...he said, "Anna, you don't understand. If you tell me when I can see you, I'm coming home." I was amazed at his courage and his honesty. There wasn't a shred of guesswork or gaming for me to do, and it was the sexiest thing ever.

It's hard for me to believe that was 10 years ago. Anyway, today is his 35th birthday. He designed a fabulous day. We watched the USA England game, and then went out for dinner and a movie. The US pulled out a tie, the dinner was fabulous, the movie was fair, and I was just as sure about my life with him as ever. I'm hoping for at least 35 more birthdays together.

Blessing #46, June 12, 2010

I am blessed to share a life with my husband. I am crazy in love with him, and marrying him is the best decision I ever made. He is a wonderful man and father, and he's still not afraid to tell me exactly what he is thinking.

Football in Haiti

The first day of the World Cup seems like an appropriate time to reflect on the power of sport to unite and empower people. I learned so much about life from my time playing Basketball--teamwork, patience, how to win, how to lose, and that I have c@#p for knees. Seriously, I realize now that my time on a team shaped my character, taught me important lessons, and provided me an identity during the all too traumatic teen years. That identity kept me from making many bad decisions, succumbing to peer pressure, and doubting my self-worth. I wasn't the star player, but I mattered to the team.

St. Bartholomew's, the school where Trey and I visit in Haiti, just hosted their first ever inter-school tournament. We have watched for hours as the kids play soccer in the street, barefooted and kicking a makeshift ball. They have only dreamed of playing in a league or on a regulation field, but Esperance et Vie and Bethlehem Ministry are beginning to make it possible. Check out the link at:

http://esperanceetvie.blogspot.com/2010/05/ecole-st-barthelemy-hosts-first-ever.html

Blessing #45, June 11, 2010

I am thankful that in 5th grade my school had a "B" team for basketball. It allowed me to learn the basics. I am thankful I grew to be freakishly tall in middle school (It's all evened out now), and I'm thankful that when I changed schools in 8th grade, the coach saw me do a left-handed layup and had to have me on the team. I acknowledge that I am fortunate to have had opportunities to play organized sports at all, and I hope children the world over will be afforded the same chance.

Sun and Rain

I am watching a torrential downpour through the windows in my office. It is the kind of rain that appears to come down sideways, and it hits like daggers if you're out in it. The storm came pretty quickly. It has been a beautiful day, and we spent several hours at the pool. When the dark clouds rolled in, we packed up the wagon and walked home, making it just in time. The kids thought trying to beat the weather was very exciting!

There is something therapeutic about this type of rain. Maybe it's that there's no where to go so I stay curled up with my kids, or maybe it's how clean the air feels after it passes, or that I'm reminded of my complete lack of control over the weather--and pretty much the world.

I have a quote from an old desk calendar taped to my mirror that says, "The secret of balance is knowing both our somethingness and our nothingness." (there is no author credited) A hard rain-especially after a hot and sunny day, reminds me of my place in the world. While I'm prone to feel very ambitious and self-important, I am just passing through. I tend to find things to worry about, as if my worry has some impact on the outcome, but the truth is I do not have power to affect change over 95% of what I try to control. My major professor, Steve Oliver, wisened me to this during our years together. I would worry, "but what if I Dr. so and so doesn't like this chapter?" or "What if there aren't enough participants?" or "What if the proposal isn't accepted?" He would reply, "Well, Anna you never really know." At first, it infuriated me. Then, I became grateful. What a relief to not be expected to know the future. How freeing to just let it be and wait and find out!

Blessing #44, June 10, 2010

Today I feel like I have had the best of both worlds--time in the sun and time to watch the rain. I am thankful to be reminded that I cannot control the world-when I forget this, I get exhausted trying.

1000 Things

It's one of those days. I can list a 1000 things I'm thankful for, but I can't seem to focus on any of them for an entry. I've got the laundry on one side of me, the kitchen cabinets half emptied (that's the next project on the "to do" list"), and a pile of silly bands that needs to be cleaned up. And I am tired. The kind of tired you get when you are in the sun for a long time. I spent 4 hours at the pool today playing with my children. I could write pages and pages about how lucky I am that my family has the opportunity to play together or the blessing that is an automatic washing machine. But, I don't have pages and pages of writing in me tonight, so I'll keep it simple.


Blessing #43, June 9, 2010

I am thankful for time to play with my children and clean clothes, and I am thankful that I am finding more blessings than I can count.

One Day at the time

How many people have the wisdom of a 90 year old, happy, healthy woman to be thankful for? It seems there are two pieces of advice Grandmommy gives repeatedly. One piece is about marriage and the other is more general. In this entry I will just focus on the latter--I'm sure I'll revisit the marriage one. I mean I'll be blogging for the next few hundred days, so there will be time for that.

Anytime I'm anxious, tired, or down Grandmommy takes my hand and says, "Just take it one day at a time." At first listen it seems cliche, but I have watched my Grandmother stay calm in the midst of all the storms life as thrown her way. I believe these are really words worth living by and that the advice can be extrapolated to lots of situations.

On a tough day for me it might be one blessing, one piece of paperwork, one set of reps of a back exercise, one room cleaned out or up, or one item on the minutia-filled "to do" list. The advice is great because it encourages me to practice mindfullness by focusing my mind on one task or concern at a time. This allows me to fully experience completing the task, as opposed to being so intent on accomplishing something else that I can't be thankful for and satisfied by a job well done.

When I had Chip, I became obsessed with getting my pre-baby body back. (I know, I know, how naive was I?) Anyway, I enrolled in a yoga course to reach that goal. As I learned the poses, and began being more aware of my thought process, I realized that I had never stopped to be thankful for the amazing thing my body did, ahem, growing a new human being! I was too quick to move down the list and focus on getting the next thing done--in this case, getting my figure back. Now, I realize that anytime I focus on all that needs to be done, rather than what I'm doing or finishing, I am cheating myself out of being present in and thankful for the moment.

Blessing #42, June 8, 2010

Today I am thankful that I have accomplished one thing (a clean car) on my summer to do list. I am determined not to be anxious about the rest of the mile long list, but to focus on the satisfaction this completed task brings. I am taking this summer--and hopefully the rest of my life--one day at the time.

Freezing Time

Chip was off early to soccer camp this morning, and Katie and I had "girls only" time. We went for a long walk, ate a great breakfast, and talked a lot. She is getting to be the quite the conversationalist! Today she regaled me with her future plans--she is intending to have "Straight down hair with no bumps like you, Mommy," be a teacher, marry brother and live in this house with her parents forever. FYI, bumps is Katie's word for curls--and she has a head full of ringlets.

The best moment today was when she looked up and said, "OK, Mommy, it's snuggle time!" We piled up on the sectional, played double shutter, and shared her gavi (this is Katie's name for her blanket). Being with my daugther with no distractions allowed me to marvel at who she is becoming. This is a little girl, not a toddler. She's got her own ideas and she isn't afraid to share them. She's tall and waifish, spunky as all get out, and carried away with the color pink, makeup, and monopolizing Mommy's attention. Wow, she is remarkable-I wished I could freeze time and finish soaking in the current Katie. But, time won't stop and she'll be a whole new person before I even get used to this one. What a ride.

Blessing #41, June 7, 2010

I am thankful for time with just Katie. The second child never gets used to being the only one, and when it is just us, she feels so special. Today I was able to focus on her for long periods with no distraction. She ate it up and I was amazed at who she is becoming. I am one lucky mother.

Believers

So, after we got home last night from our meeting (You know the meeting that was so indicative of our level of responsibility!) I realized that I had left my purse at my parents' farm. This morning I got up early to head back to Washington and pick it up. Dad greeted with me a joke about the "Absent minded professor." We visited for a few minutes, and when I got ready to leave I discovered that my car wouldn't start. It had a dead battery, probably because I had left the lights on. What was I saying about responsibility?

Actually, I don't think this stemmed from a lack of responsibility, but rather from there being entirely too many things going on in my life and in my mind at any given moment. Remember when I said we should add the word "frayedness" to the dictionary? Well, I'm blaming my frayedness for my forgetfulness.

Seriously, it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but I was in a hurry to get home so I could ready the house for the Sunday School Party we were hosting. I am a bit over the top when I'm preparing to entertain, and as the hour closes in, the crazier I get.

Thankfully, my Dad was able to use his new portable charger to jump me off, and I was able to get home, though much later than I had planned. I frantically cleaned and straightened for a couple of hours, but I just didn't feel like I had done enough. The house wasn't party ready. But, it was time for the guests to arrive, and arrive they did.

And guess what? Not a one seemed to notice the grease splatter spots behind the range, the spiderwebs in between the double pane windows, or wisps of dog hair under the couch. Why in the world would I think that this group of Believers (That' the name of our class) cared one iota about my house? All the families that came today have young children, and know first hand how trying to keep a perfect house is a futile pursuit. Tonight was about fellowship, keeping up with each others' lives, marveling about how the kids have grown, and sharing God's love with one another. The kids played, the grown ups laughed and visited, and we had a great meal from Barberitos. It was about focusing on the blessings-not the dust bunnies!

Blessing #40, June 6, 2010

I am thankful for my Sunday School Class. We ask hard questions about the Bible, our Faith, and our church. We are confident that asking hard questions is our Christian responsiblity. We pray, discuss, and laugh together. We support one another through triumphs and tragedies. What a blessing that my husband and I have found such a special group.

Facing Debts is Facing Demons

This was a hard, but important day. Trey and I went out to my parents' farm to discuss with my Dad, a chartered financial consultant, how to completely eradicate our consumer debt, build a sizeable next egg, and make more money. We revisited our wills and life insurance policies--and no parent enjoys confronting their mortality.

It was also hard because neither of us can stand to admit we need advice. I'm afraid my husband and I are too proud and too independent. In some ways those are virtues, but taken to an extreme they can be crippling. I've shared before in this space that I have an insatiable need to excel at pretty much everthing. While that drive has helped me pursue education and new opportunities, it has handicapped me in some ways. For a long time I stopped writing, because I couldn't make it perfect. I, and Trey, couldn't stand to ask for help or advice-to show weakness in any way. I have hated to admit to my parents, who are always so glowing with their praise of me, that I've messed up. A lot has happened to lead me to face the music, develop our new plan of action, and get over ourselves once and for all.

First, I went to Haiti, and learned really quickly that all the goods I have felt I "must have" are superfluous. I went from hating my bathroom wallpaper to feeling that I live in a palace. Second, I read Suze Orman's Women and Money, and realized that for Trey and I to make headway we had to face our debts-and that behind those debts we would find demons. Demons may seem harsh to describe debt we largely accumulated while I was in school, but I believe that behind some of that spending is evil. I think if we could lift the curtain on the motivation behind some of that spending we would find pride, greed, entitlement, and a focus on a consumer's view of status and happiness. Third, I read Radical Homemakers, and realized that I am not the only person to grow into disillusionment with our society driven by excess.

So, how did we get here? Well, we spent more than we made. It's pretty wild how simple the explanation is. I think we just figured that when I graduated with a PhD and started working full time, all of our problems would go away. I did start making pretty good money, especially compared to a graduate student stipend. But, as we have learned it costs a lot to work. We have been paying a part time nanny, spending on convenience foods, paying school loans, and maintaining our home and cars. It goes out as fast at it comes in. We're not late on payments, we always pay more than the required, and we have excellent credit. At least, we aren't accumulating more debt, but we are sort of treading water. And treading water makes you tired and you don't get anywhere.

Anyway, today we swallowed our pride, asked a professional financial consultant for advice, and feel that at last we are making progress. I think the best part of all of this is that we have stopped feeling the need to be perfect because of course no human is. We have learned to acknowledge our mistakes, and we have learned that our parents are just as proud of us as before. I offered to pay Daddy for his time and counsel, but he said, "Oh, honey, you are letting me help you. That's enough for me." I think he knew what a big step it was for us to reach out and admit that we needed his perspective.

Blessing #39, June 5, 2010

I am thankful that I don't need to be perfect at anything, much less everything, and I am determined to keep reminding myself of that. I am thankful that my Dad was able to look at our financial picture, and say, "Oh guys, I've seen so much worse. We'll have this straightened out in a few years." I am thankful that my Dad and Mom are still proud of all we have accomplished, and will cheer us on as we work to meet our new goals. I am thankful that today we stopped treading and started swimming.

Crossing Over to "Sir Fartsalot"

Today was mine and the kids first day of summer. We went for a long walk, did a little shopping for a birthday party Katie was attending, and enjoyed living at a leisurely pace. While Katie was at the party, Chip and I went to Borders to let him spend his gift cards. We've been carrying them around since November, and just haven't had the time to drive to Borders, much less shop there. Chip loves to read, and he is very good at it, but I still wasn't prepared for what happened when we got there.

Chip went straight to the Independent Readers section and began to hungrily pick up books and read the back covers. The last time we were at Borders he was looking at the Stage 3 Beginner Reader books. The books he was drawn to today were several hundred pages long and had complex plots and vocabulary. I am actually thinking of reading one of them when he finishes. We had enough in gift cards for him to pick 3. Percy Jackson and the Olympians (volume 1), The Last Airbender, and The Sorcerer's Apprentice were the three he chose. It was wild that I wasn't even necessary at the bookstore. My only role was to get him there--well, I did steer him away from a book that had the words "Sir Fartsalot" in the title, but my involvement was minimal.

It just felt like he had crossed over into a new stage of adolescence. I am thrilled that he is growing up and that his imagination is blossoming, but it is bittersweet. I'm sure it will feel like only a few minutes pass before he writes his first essay, takes his drivers test, and graduates from high school.

Blessing #38, June 4, 2010

Sometimes as a parent I have these odd moments where I meet my children again for the first time. I realize that sentence doesn't make sense, but it's the only way I know to state what happens during a moment like the one we had today. What a blessing that each time my children have crossed into a new stage, I have only been sad for a second. The new child-the one graduated to a new stage-is even more exciting, amazing, and complicated than before.

Mama Mia meets The Color Purple meets Legally Blonde?

There are some special moments I get to relish in because I am a teacher. Several have happened in the last few days. I've just gotten home from an evening at the Classic Center, where one of my students was awarded a scholarship to continue her study of the arts. My husband and I were invited to be there to represent the school. What an evening! First of all, it was a 5 course, delicious meal and tasted even better because I didn't have to cut anyone's steak. Secondly, in between courses we were entertained with amazing performances from the 3 scholarship winners and the Oconee Youth Players. We were treated to a preview of upcoming shows (hence the title) at the Classic Center Theater, and it is going to be a great season! It was a wonderful night out for my husband and me, and seeing the young people excelling in and enjoying the arts reminded me how fortunate we are to be able to explore artistic expression in this country.


Also this week, a student of mine who was with me in Haiti brought me a new book to read. There is something very powerful about the child providing the teacher with reading material. It shows tremendous maturity on the part of the student, and I think signifies the beginning of the shift from student to lifelong learner. The book is about a woman's experiences in Haiti, and from what I've read so far, resonates very closely with my own exprience. It seems like reading the book will be cathartic for me and help me make sense of what I feel each time I return to the States.



Blessing 37 June 3, 2010

I am blessed that I get to see young people shine and watch them mature over the years. I am grateful when I see young people move from being the student who only takes from the learning environment to being one who contributes to it.

Even Lovers Need a Holiday?

Sure, the song from the 80s has a nice ring to it, but I am not buying it. My husband, Trey, just returned from a continuing education meeting on Hilton Head Island. He was gone 5 days, and I am happy that he is home. With our vespers and graduation ceremonies, exam grades due, and a day trip to Atlanta for my Grandmother's birthday party I was really feeling Trey's absence. Usually we are both doing baths for the kids, reading bedtime stories, packing lunches, folding clothes, and caring for our dog, Jake. I was a single parent while he was gone. I missed his help, and I missed spending time with him.

Blessing #36, June 2, 2010

I am blessed that my husband is an involved, integral part of our household. We are 50/50 in raising the children and keeping the house. Did I mention that he is my soulmate? I know that I was careful in making a good choice for a husband, but I can't help but feel that luck was on my side.

Real Work

Sometimes my children say hilarious things. I mean to write them down, but often I forget. Today I am remembering! This morning on the way to faculty kid camp (I am in post planning) Chip and Katie were bubbling with excitement for spending free time on the playground. They see faculty kid camp as all that they love about their school minus the worksheets and homework. Anyway, Katie says, "Oh, yeah, I'm so glad it's summer so I don't have to work," and Chip replied, "Katie, just wait until you grow up and have to be in 1st grade. Then you'll have to do real work!" I just laughed with joy. Isn't it amazing that my son sees a day of 1st grade as real work? It really speak volumes about how much fun the rest of his life must be.

Blessing #35, June 1, 2010

Today I am thankful that the hardest work Chip has to do is in school. I know there are children in the world who spend their days fetching water or working in sweat shops. I am grateful that my children can make me laugh when I least expect it. Does it get any better than this?