It is hard for me to believe I can have a wonderful job, a Ph.D., a successful husband, and still feel stuck in a paycheck to paycheck grind. While it may be hard for to me believe, it is not hard for me to understand.
Shortly after we married, 9 years ago, I enrolled in a Masters Program at UGA. I had Chip a semester before graduating, almost 2 years later. 3 days after graduation I began work on a Ph.D. and had Katie 3 months before I began collecting data for my dissertation. My mom had to walk the halls with Katie in a stroller while I defended my prospectus. I had to pay for child care so I could attend class, analyze data, and write chapter after chapter. After my dissertation defense, my committee congratulated me and asked if they could take me to lunch. I could only offer my regrets, as it happened to be Chip's 4th birthday, and I had promised we would go shopping for his first real bike. Something about that interchange speaks volumes about the whole of my time in the doctoral program. Looking back, the entire experience seems surreal. I think I must have been more than a little crazy to take on all that I did. A new marriage, a new mortgage, 2 new degrees, and 2 children....maybe my WonderWoman complex got a bit ahead of me.
I had a wonderful major professor, committee, department, and a supportive husband. But the truth remained that graduate school was not designed with a family in mind. Even though I was funded with assistantships throughout, it wasn't enough money to cover babysitters and convenience foods that I required to get my family through that insane time.
So, I left graduate school with a terminal degree, a hefty student loan, an unfortunate amount of consumer debt, and a serious case of writer fatigue. I wouldn't change a thing though. My graduate experience transformed my thinking in ways I couldn't have fathomed beforehand, and launched me into a lifetime of learning. And, as the saying goes, no one can take it away from me.
Blessing #27, May 24, 2010
I am blessed to have finished my Ph.D. It was a family accomplishment, and I know that I couldn't have made it without a husband who supported me. Even though I will be paying for it for a while, I know that I am fortunate to be employed at all, much less at a job I love. Come to think of it "paycheck to paycheck" isn't so bad--I know there are folks with no paycheck at all. I am thrilled that we are now headed back to the black as opposed to farther into the red. It was a full 5 years of craziness, and I'll be paying for it well into the future. But the transformation in my thinking will be paying me, my children, and their children long after the student loan is paid off.
2 comments:
"Graduate school was not designed with a family in mind." From what I've heard from my female professors, that could not be a more accurate statement. And unfortunately, women usually have kids in their mid-late twenties (that's PhD time)! I've resigned myself to either just a masters or no advanced degree at all, because when I eventually get married, I don't think I'll be able to juggle studying and paying for school with family life. Good for you though - you're part of a rare breed who can do it all!
Somebody said to me once, "You have so many balls in the air! How do you do it?" I said, "I throw them in the air and juggle. Usually I catch them, but if I drop one, I catch it on a bounce." Go for the graduate degree, Jennifer! Just don't be as naive as me about the difficulty. It really was worth it!
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